Last week, my wife received an email appeal that demonstrates that fundraising professionals continue to make stupid email and direct mail mistakes. I’m not talking about fundraisers who have failed to use cutting-edge techniques. Instead, I’m talking about folks who have made S-T-U-P-I-D mistakes when it comes to the fundamentals of making a simple appeal.
To help you avoid some common, yet stupid, mistakes with your email and direct mail appeals, I’m going to share the email solicitation my wife received from the Rosenbach Museum and Library:
Now, let’s look closely at the appeal to see where the author went wrong:
Subject Line: The subject line on the email reads, “Please support the Rosenbach!” Unless the recipient was waiting around anxiously for some way to donate to the Rosenbach, why would she even bother to open the email? The subject line tells the reader what she needs to know about the content: The Rosenbach wants money. And it either wants lots of money or needs money desperately judging from the exclamation point.
Rather than opening the email, my wife mentioned it to me because of the ridiculously bad subject line. When I asked her to open the email and read it aloud, she initially refused, saying, “We know what they want. They want money. Why bother opening it?” (By the way, we actually happen to like the Rosenbach; that’s why we’re on their email list.) I replied, “I bet the email is equally bad and that they even mention the end of their fiscal year.” So, with a sense of amusement, she opened the email.
Tip 1: Write a subject line that will entice the reader to open the email. Avoid turn-off subject lines or those that are misleading. For help writing more effective subject lines and headlines, checkout the Headline Analyzer tool.
Inappropriate Personalization: Right at the start, the author missteps. The email begins, “Dear Lisa.” Some people, particularly younger readers, might not find this problematic. However, Lisa does not know the email’s signatory, Derick Dreher. It was presumptuous of Dreher to address her by first name rather than as Mrs. Rosen or Ms. Rosen. Interestingly, adopting a less friendly and more formal style by the end of the email, Dreher signed his full name rather than just his first name.
Tip 2: When addressing people, especially strangers you want something from them, it’s generally a good idea — and always good manners — to show respect and a bit of deference. At the very least, if you’re going to use a casual salutation, be sure to match that style with a casual sign-off.
End of Fiscal Year: No one cares about the end of your fiscal year. Let me be perfectly clear: NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE END OF YOUR FISCAL YEAR! Okay, your Chief Financial Officer cares. However, your prospects and donors do not. Unfortunately, in the very first sentence of the appeal, it mentions that the Rosenbach is nearing the end of its fiscal year. If this was tied to a challenge grant that was about to expire at the end of the fiscal year, that might have been a worthwhile point to make. However, by itself, who cares?
Tip 3: Be donor centered and recognize that donors care about their own fiscal year, not yours. Unless you have a very good reason to talk about the end of your fiscal year, don’t do it.
Engagement: As if the first sentence wasn’t bad enough, the author made it even worse by referencing that Bloomsday has come to a close. There are two reasons this is a negative. First, my wife and I have no idea what “Bloomsday” is. So, why should we care about it?
Second, if Bloomsday was some sort of fun, worthwhile event, telling us about it after the fact is simply annoying and would make us feel terrible that we didn’t know about it in advance (hint, hint). Perhaps, the Rosenbach should have segmented its email list to send slightly different messages to those who did and did not participate in Bloomsday.
Tip 4: Talk about events and accomplishments, just make sure your reader knows what you’re talking about and that they will actually care. In this case, what is Bloomsday, why does it matter that it’s over, and why should the reader care?
Institutional Speak: Sadly, the message continues to slide downhill with the third sentence: “Thanks to you, our supporters, this has been an astounding year.” There are several problems with this sentence. First, the author is thanking my wife for support she did not provide.
Second, is the author writing to my wife (“you”) or to some broader group (“our supporters”)? The slip into broad, institutional-speak is a not good.
Third, use of the word “astounding” is vague; was the year astoundingly good or bad? You have to wait until the second paragraph to discover that the author probably meant astoundingly good.
Tip 5: Remember that you are one person writing to one person. Your language and tone should reflect that no matter how many email and/or direct mail appeals you send. You’re not addressing a group in each individual email or letter.
Need: If the Rosenbach did astoundingly well without my wife’s support, why does it need my wife’s support now? Here’s the case for support as presented in the email: “All of these programs, events, and exhibitions were possible because of the support of our members and donors. As the Rosenbach continues to grow and looks ahead to an exciting 2016-2017, we hope that you will continue to support us by attending lectures, tours, special events, and exhibitions and also by making a gift to the Rosenbach Fund.”
Again, my wife did not donate to support the Rosenbach within the past 12 months nor has she attended any events or programs in that time, so she did not help make the programs possible.
Second, the author does not bother to tell the reader anything about the so-called “exciting” events that are upcoming that might actually inspire support. Also, it was a missed opportunity to re-engage my wife by encouraging her to attend a specific upcoming program.
Tip 6: Establish a case for support. You can be pithy, but you still need to explain where the donor’s money will go and why you need it now. If there’s an opportunity for engagement, seize it.
The Ask: Toward the end of the email, the author writes, “Please donate today, become a member, or join the Delancey Society, and help us continue to be a world-class literary institution.” First, there is no specific dollar amount requested. A solid appeal will almost always ask for a specific dollar amount.
For renewing or lapsed donors, the amount requested will ideally relate to that individual’s prior support. In other words, you wouldn’t want to ask a $1,000 donor to give $25, nor would you want to ask a $25 donor to give $1,000 in this context. Second, does the Rosenbach prefer that my wife donate or become a member? It’s unclear and confusing.
The message is made even more confusing by suggesting she consider becoming part of the Delancey Society; the reader has to click through to find out what on Earth that is.
Tip 7: Ask for a specific dollar amount that is appropriate given the donor’s giving history. Do not muddy the waters by asking for more than one thing.
Bogus Information: Things continue to get worse when the reader clicks through to the donation landing-page. The page reads, “Donate. Contribute to the Rosenbach Fund. A contribution to the Rosenbach Fund means 100% of your donation preserves our world-class collection, creates imaginative programs that inspire curiosity, creativity, and inquiry, and provides research services to scholars and the general public.”
Unless its fundraising costs have been completely underwritten — the author does not mention this anywhere — the Rosenbach is not using “100%” of each donation for the purposes outlined. A portion of the donations will actually go toward fundraising expenses and other overhead costs. By suggesting that the full amount of each donation goes to mission fulfillment, the Rosenbach is being misleading.
Tip 8: Always be honest. Avoid clever linguistic gymnastics that might allow you to be technically accurate while still misleading your reader. Truthfulness helps build trust, which helps build support.
For additional helpful tips, read my post “What NOT to Do in Your Email or Direct Mail Appeals.”
Because we can all improve our email and direct mail skills, what are some of your favorite tips? If you’ve sent or received an excellent email appeal, please provide a link to it in the comment section.
That’s what Michael Rosen says… What do you say?
UPDATE (August 29, 2016): I recently received a message from Sara Davis, the Rosenbach’s new Manager of Marketing. It’s a superb example of how to turn criticism into an opportunity. You can read her message and my comments about it by reading “Do You Know How to Take Criticism?” In addition, you can vote in a poll about whether I should continue to name names.
Michael Rosen Says... 