Ouch! How to Take the Sting Out of Rejection.

Rejection stings. When a donor refuses our warm invitation to meet, it bothers us. When a prospect refuses to donate in response to our carefully crafted appeal, it frustrates us.

While no one enjoys rejection, we tend not to think about it too much. After all, every fundraising professional has to cope with it, some more than others. However, ignoring rejection or simply accepting it as a fact of life does nothing to address its corrosive effect on fundraising efforts.

We can do better. We need to do better.

If rejection diminishes your mood and energy, your chance of success during your next prospect or donor contact will likewise be diminished. Another rejection would further erode your spirit and begin a downward spiral as your confidence continues to erode.

If we can short-circuit the negative effect of rejection, we’ll have a more positive attitude and be able to raise more money. We’ll have more energy and more confidence. So, what can we do to develop a healthy mindset toward rejection?

Years ago, I learned a terrific technique from sales expert Tom Hopkins. Before I share Hopkins’ approach, I want to lay out five assumptions:

 

1. I assume you will always prepare before contacting a prospect or donor so you can do the best possible job.
2. I assume that your intention with every contact will be to get a “yes.”
3. I assume you know that you will not get a “yes” all of the time.
4. I assume you recognize that, sometimes, a prospect or donor will say “no” for reasons that have nothing to do with you or your organization.
5. I assume you can recognize what prospects or donors really mean when they say “no.” To make sure you really understand what “no” means and how to deal with each different meaning, checkout the guest post from fundraising consultant and author Bernard Ross, “Overcoming the 9 Fundraising NOs.”

With those assumptions in mind, let’s look at what you can do to take the sting out of rejection. Simply put, you need to decide in advance how to react when you don’t get a “yes.” In other words, how will you react when you don’t get the appointment, don’t close the donation, don’t secure a new volunteer, etc.?

Here is what Hopkins suggests for sales professionals that we can borrow:

It’s Not Just What They Say, but How They Say It

To raise more money, listen carefully to your prospects and donors. They’ll give you vital insights about their philanthropic interests and ability to give.

Furthermore, they’ll give you clues about how to most effectively present to them.

Tom Hopkins, the sales guru and author of Low Profile Selling, suggests that by adapting your presentation style according to prospect preference, you’ll be far more successful.

Let me explain.

If you’re visiting with a prospect to make the case for support of a particular initiative, he may say, “I see what you mean.” That could be a clue that the prospect prefers to relate to information visually.

So, you would be wise to adapt your presentation to be more visual. For example, you could share a printed copy of the case for support. Or, you could show the prospect a brief video that illustrates what you’re saying. Another way to engage such a prospect is to ask her to imagine. For example, if you work for an animal shelter, you might ask, “Can you imagine how happy you’ll make dozens of puppies and kittens with your support?”

Alternatively, your prospect might say, “I hear what you’re saying.” That could indicate that she prefers getting information by listening.

Let a 12-Year-Old Competitive Chef Show You the Way

The fundraising profession is not for the faint-of-heart. Ours is a field full of rejection. Every time we ask for a donation, we know there is an excellent chance we will hear, “No!” Even when we receive a positive response, it might not be quite as positive as we had hoped.

A fundraiser who has not learned how to deal with rejection, obstacles, and defeat is a person who is destined to burnout, who will become reticent to ask, who will ultimately fail at the job.

One of the greatest skills a development professional must learn is how to cope with inevitable rejection.

I once attended a seminar led by sales-guru Tom Hopkins. He told us not be disheartened when receiving a rejection. Instead, he told us to celebrate the rejection because it brings us one-step closer to achieving a success. In other words, sales, or fundraising, is a bit of a numbers game. We know we will encounter rejection no matter what we do. So, when we do encounter one, we know we’re getting it out of the way and getting closer to finding a “Yes.”

In sales and fundraising, maintaining a champion’s attitude is a key to success.

Recently, I was watching the Food Network show Chopped Junior (“Beginner’s Duck,” Season 3, Episode 3). In this program, children compete to determine who is the best chef of the group. I’m always amazed by the high-level of talent on display. We’re not talking about making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; we’re talking about real cooking.

Ellie Zeiler, a 12-year-old cooking enthusiast, competed against others her age this week. Despite her enormous talent, Zeiler was cut following the second of three rounds.

When watching the show, I was struck by how Zeiler handled the rejection. She did not whine. She did not complain. She did not blame her defeat on unfairness, time, the judges, or her competitors. She did not bury her feelings, nor did she become consumed by them. Instead, she handled her defeat with extreme grace and wisdom:

I’m really sad that I got chopped. This competition has inspired me to really focus on my cooking. And I want people to know that I never quit, and I keep moving forward.”

Here’s what we all can learn about dealing with rejection from Zeiler’s fine example:

• Do not bury your feelings. Recognize how you feel and accept it. However, do not let yourself be defeated by how badly you might feel. Move on. Zeiler acknowledged her sadness, but did not let it consume her.

“Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.” — Charles R. Swindoll

• Do not focus on the negative. Find and focus on the positive. Zeigler found inspiration in the competition. It inspired her to concentrate on her cooking and to further develop her skills. Whenever we face rejection, we have an opportunity to examine what we did and how we can improve our own skills.

“If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” — Michael Jordan

• Never quit! Zeiler made it perfectly clear that she is not a quitter. Rejection is all part of a development professional’s life. If you’re not used to it, get used to it. To find the next “Yes,” you need to move forward with another ask.

“Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” — Vince Lombardi

The next time a prospect tells you “No,” I want you to think about three things:

10 Ways To Be Happier Right Now

Do you want to be a better fundraising professional? If so, you need to work on being a happier person.

Sadly, 48 percent of Americans are not very happy.

It doesn’t take a great leap of imagination to understand why. If you pick up a newspaper, tune into the television evening news, search the Internet for the latest current event stories, you’ll find plenty of reasons to not be very happy. You might not even need to look that far. Perhaps, you’re facing economic or health challenges at home, or an uninspiring job that doesn’t pay you what you deserve.

While many things are out of our control, there are nevertheless some steps we can take to enhance our level of happiness. By taking care of ourselves and by building our happiness, we’ll develop stronger relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and supporters of our organizations.

Your level of happiness affects all aspects of your life, personal and professional. That’s why I want to share some tips to help you be happier which will, in turn, lead you to better health and greater professional success. By being happier, you’ll be a more effective fundraising professional.

Think about it. Would you rather be around someone who is happy or unhappy? It’s not really a hard choice, is it?

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was naturally scared and miserable. After some serious contemplation, I realized that I could be sick and miserable or I could choose to be just sick. Being sick was bad enough. Why would I also want to be miserable, too?

My choice has made it easier for people to stay close to me and to help me when I need it as my fight continues. I’m also convinced that my positive attitude has profoundly benefitted my health; the science backs me up on this. While I certainly don’t like having cancer, I am continuing to enjoy life.

Recently, Rana Tarakji, of the Life Coach Spotter, sent me a terrific infographic with 10 practical, science-backed tips for helping us to enhance our happiness and, as a result, improve our well-being, relationships, and professional success:

1. Laugh. That’s right. Laugh more. It’s good for you. Laughter reduces physical pain, reduces heart attack risk, increases blood flow, boosts immunity, and enhances energy level.

2. Thank. Feeling and expressing gratitude boosts happiness. The old adage that encourages us to count our blessings and be grateful for what we have has validity. Researchers have demonstrated that expressing gratitude to others actually increases our own happiness.

For example, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, the Zellerbach Family Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, asked study participants to write and deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness. Following the completion of the task, participants’ happiness scores increased significantly.

See. Not only is thanking a donor good for the donor and your organization, it’s good for you, too!

3. Love. When we send love out into the universe, love returns to us. Those who maintain strong, loving relationships are happier and healthier. Perhaps it’s because we all know the value of love that we often take it for granted. We need to be careful. Love takes work. We need to actively plan to spend quality time with those important to us.

4. Smile. The average person smiles only 20 times per day. By contrast, happy people smile 45 times a day. While happy people are more likely to smile, science has proven that smiling more will make you happier. Even fake smiles will release pleasure hormones that will make you happier. As the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh says:

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

5. Meditate. Meditation is not an activity reserved for New Age folks. Anyone can do it and derive benefit from it. There are large varieties of ways to mediate. Personally, I like Guided Imagery.

Meditation offers a number of proven benefits. When I was hospitalized, I found meditation calming. I also found, to my surprise, that it reduced my pain level. To be effective, meditation takes practice. However, over time, you will see the benefits for yourself. You can learn some simple meditation techniques by clicking here.

6. Relax. Years ago, I heard the great sales guru Tom Hopkins speak. He said that to be successful, we need to do the most important thing at any given moment. That does not mean turning yourself into a workaholic. Instead, it means that at times we certainly need to work hard. However, it also means that we need to recognize that, at other times, the most important thing to do is to relax and refresh ourselves. Life balance is essential for happiness.

There’s Something Important You Need to Do Before You Can Raise More Money

Do you want to acquire more new donors?

Do you want to retain more existing donors?

Do you want to upgrade the support from more of your donors?

Do you want to get more planned gift commitments?

To achieve any of those goals, there’s something essential you must first do. You need to build trust. Trust is the cornerstone of all fundraising success.

Consider what noted philanthropy researchers Dr. Adrian Sargeant and Dr. Jen Shang have written on the subject:

There would appear to be a relationship between trust and a propensity to donate…. There is [also] some indication here that a relationship does exist between trust and amount donated, comparatively little increases in the former having a marked impact on the latter.”

In other words, the research demonstrates that the level of trust one has in a charity affects both willingness to give and the amount of giving.

If you’re like most fundraising professionals, you instinctively understand the importance of establishing trust. However, what are you actually doing to build and maintain it?

Sadly, many nonprofit professionals think that trust is automatic. If your organization has existed for a reasonable period of time and if it has had some demonstrable success at fulfilling its mission, fundraisers may be lulled into the belief that trust already exists. Therefore, organizations spend little effort building trust and, instead, focus their energies and resources on making funding appeals. Unfortunately, the result is usually underperformance and occasionally disaster.

As I mentioned in a recent post, a cancer charity in Scotland was involved in a major scandal several years ago. Unfortunately, the fallout from that scandal negatively affected many unrelated charities throughout Scotland as public trust in the charity sector suffered greatly. As a result, some charities reported a 30 percent downturn in contributions in the months following the controversy. To restore the public trust, Scotland’s charities and the Institute of Fundraising joined forces to get people meaningful information and provide them with assurance about the trustworthiness of the charity sector. It took several months to rebuild trust. As trust was restored, giving began to return to normal.

By investing in efforts to establish and grow trust, nonprofit organizations will yield far greater fundraising results and protect themselves from an unforeseen public relations challenge.

So, recognizing that building and growing trust is essential for success, and fragile once established, what can charities do to develop trust?

Fortunately, building trust does not have to be complicated or expensive. Sales guru Tom Hopkins identifies three simple steps:

How to Snatch Success from the Jaws of Failure

I’m no stranger to disappointment, either in my personal or professional life. Most recently, the much anticipated baseball postseason ended prematurely for my Philadelphia Phillies. I was saddened. Judging from the faces of the players, the postseason elimination was even more painful for them.

Phillies Win 2008 World Series Trophy

The Phillies failure to go to the World Series got me thinking of my own failures and the challenges we all face in the development profession or even serving as a volunteer for a nonprofit organization. Two of the greatest challenges that we all face are dealing effectively with failure and rejection.

Interestingly, these are the same challenges faced by sales professionals. So, what can a salesman teach a fundraiser about failure and rejection? If that salesman is the legendary Tom Hopkins, the answer is plenty.

Hopkins made his first million dollars in sales by the age of 27. He accomplished this by making the subject of selling his hobby and by studying every aspect of the sale in incredible detail. Today, he is known internationally as a master sales trainer and the author of several bestselling books on the art of sales. You can learn more about him by visiting his website: http://tomhopkins.com.

Hopkins teaches five important axioms for dealing with failure:

1) “I never see failure as failure, but only as a learning experience.”

You can look upon failure or rejection and simply choose to wallow in your defeat by feeling sorry for yourself. Or, you can learn from the experience. While you will never be a winner every time, you can improve your performance by learning from your experience and understanding what works and what does not.

Regarding his struggle to invent a long-lasting light bulb, Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” He eventually invented the light bulb that changed the world.

2) “I never see failure as failure, but only as the feedback I need to change course in my direction.”

Failure or rejection can only slow us down if we allow them to. Instead, if we view failure or rejection as feedback, we can pivot off of it to our next action step which just might lead to a positive response from that prospect or another.

For example, I once observed a fundraiser ask a prospect for a significant donation. The prospect lived in one of the wealthiest communities in America. The prospect responded, “I’m sorry. I can’t help you out right now. Cash is tight. You see, my wife is having the gardener completely re-landscape the backyard.” The fundraiser’s heart could have sunk. He could have ended the conversation cordially and moved on. Instead, the fundraiser considered what the prospect said as useful information rather than as a rejection. Specifically, the fundraiser heard “I can’t help you right now” and that the family has a gardener. So, the fundraiser asked, “If things are tight right now, would you be able to make a gift of that size next month?” The donor cheerfully replied, “If you can wait until next month, that would be great. We’ll be done with the landscaping by then so I’ll have the cash. Are you sure that’s not a problem for you?” The fundraiser closed the gift.