[Publisher’s Note: Michael J. Rosen, CFRE will be interviewed by CausePlanet in a free webinar about his award-winning book, Donor-Centered Planned Gift Marketing. Learn more and register for the October 17 program by clicking HERE. If you need a speaker or trainer, contact Rosen today.]
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We all have heard that it’s not just what you say, but how you say it that matters. Now, new research sheds some surprising light on the subject.
In the past, researchers have proven that body language is important. We’ve been told to stand-up straight. Don’t slouch while sitting. Don’t point. Shake hands firmly. Look people straight in the eyes, assuming it’s culturally appropriate given the context.
However, a new article by Susan Adams, in Forbes, comes with a surprising headline: “The Power of Eye Contact — It’s a Myth.” The article begins:
Most of us think that when we want to make a point, we should look the other person in the eye. Spouses, bosses, car salesmen, politicians, all use a direct gaze when they’re trying to convince an audience of many or one that their position is the most valid. Now it turns out that they should probably cast their glance in a different direction.”
Adams continues:
In a new paper just published in the journal Psychological Science, Minson and Chen tested the proposition that eye contact can win over people who disagree with the speaker. In two different studies (conducted at the University of Freiburg where Chen was doing her post-doctoral work), their data show that people respond more favorably to opposing arguments when the speaker looks at an angle to the recipient or focuses his eyes on his counterpart’s mouth instead of his eyes.”
Based on the Forbes article and even the study abstract itself, one might believe that development professionals should minimize eye contact with prospective donors when meeting face-to-face, at least during the ask. After all, the researchers state:
These findings suggest that efforts at increasing eye contact may be counterproductive across a variety of persuasion contexts.”
In other words, if you’re trying to persuade someone to make a donation, increasing eye contact can actually hurt your effort, the research suggests.
The study is certainly provocative given that it runs counter to conventional wisdom and other studies on the subject of eye contact. However, should we take the study seriously? When in situations where we are trying to persuade someone, should we do as Adams suggests and just let our “eyes wander”?
Well, before you automatically accept the research findings, consider these issues:
● The research samples were small involving just 20 students in the first study and 42 in the second.
● The research sample was culturally biased as it only involved college students.
● The research sample was age biased as it only involved college-age students.
● The research only involved the actions of the message recipients, not the messenger. In other words, the researchers considered where the message recipients were looking and not where the messenger was looking.
● The researchers instructed the study participants on where they could look, thereby possibly introducing bias.
● The research involved test subjects “interacting” with videotaped presenters rather than live speakers.
For me to break from conventional wisdom normally requires compelling evidence. While the Minson and Chen research is interesting and provocative, I find it sufficiently problematic to warrant further research.
On the other hand, I won’t completely discount the research findings.
Adams quotes Minson making an interesting point:
The intuition that drove our research was that when someone disagrees with you and they look you in the eye in a prolonged, direct manner, it gives you the feeling of someone trying to dominate you. Our reaction may be primal.”
Understandably, most people do not want to feel like you’re trying to dominate or intimidate them. If they feel you are, they’re likely to resist. For our purposes, that means they’ll be less likely to donate.
My take-away from the study is that we should make eye contact with prospects and donors, but strive to be natural. As with so many things in life, it seems that moderation is called for when it comes to eye contact. We should avoid staring at others with a penetrating gaze.
When preparing to write this post, I spent some time looking on the Internet for articles about the effective use of eye contact. During my search, I came across two fantastic articles at a website with an unfortunate name (please don’t be offended): The Art of Manliness.
While not backed by specifically cited scientific research, the articles do include source citations. And the articles resonated with my decades of development and marketing experience. The articles are by Brett and Kate McKay: “Look ‘Em in the Eye: Part I – The Importance of Eye Contact” and “Look ‘Em in the Eye: Part II – How to Make Eye Contact the Right Way in Life, Business, and Love.”
Here are some of the tips offered by the McKays:
● “Don’t be a creeper.” In other words, don’t stare trying to pull a svengali routine.
● “When you’re with someone you’re not as familiar with, lean back as you increase your eye contact.” This approach is far less threatening and dominating than leaning toward the person while looking into his or her eyes.
● “Focus on one eye at a time and switch between them.” This approach will make your gaze appear more natural, particularly if you shift your focus gradually.
● “Don’t overdo it.” Gazing into someone’s eyes for a prolonged period is unnatural and can be unnerving for the other person, as Minson stated. So, in addition to shifting focus from one eye to the other, also cast your gaze periodically to the person’s mouth.
● “When you break your gaze, look to the side, not down.” This will help you to avoid looking submissive or ashamed. It will also help you avoid looking like a liar.
The McKays also offer an interesting suggestion for salespeople that is absolutely applicable to development professionals:
When trying to make a sale: If you’re a salesman, making eye contact with potential buyers is important in building trust and rapport, but it’s also useful to watch for when they make eye contact with you. They’ll often do that when you’ve said something that especially interests them, so pause and expand on that point or product feature.”
Eye contact can be useful. Just don’t overdo it, and don’t under-do it either. And don’t worry about your eye contact to the point of being distracted from listening. Your ears are still very important. Nevertheless, paying attention to how you use eye contact can help you close more gifts.
That’s what Michael Rosen says… What do you say?
Michael Rosen Says... 